New Girl: The Landlord

Jess spreads her adorkableness around and teaches Nick sometimes all you have to do is smile....even if a gun is pointed in your face. Read the episode highlights after the jump. 

• Jess and Nick start off the episode in a standoff with a dude for a parking spot. Nick won't give up and yells to the driver he can come kiss his ass. The driver, naturally, pulls out his gun instead. "It's like the wire!!!" Nick tries to back away, but Jess is adamant that all people are good. She smiles and signals and dude finally backs off. She just put crazied a crazy man with a gun. 

• Schmidt is having problems with his boss. She's saying crazy sexy things like "Tokyo call at 11" and he just can't handle it anymore. Winston says he's just doing what he always does, making something out of nothing. 

• Jess asks the guys if Nick is the most negative guy they've ever met. They agree butttttt you gotta hand it to him, his life is pretty terrible. 
• Something goes horribly wrong with the sink. Nick fixes it in a way that you hope to never make him angry, because now you know what he looks like when he's murdering someone. 
• Jess thinks this is ridiculous they continue living this way and decides to call the landlord. NO DON'T DO IT. HE'S A HORRIBLE PERSON. Natch she does anyways. 
• The landlord is a creepy sonofabitch who lives deep below the building. He has an awesome bucket of gasoline. SUPER practical. Jess asks him "wouldn't you want the four of us to live in a safe home?" To which he replies "uhhhhhhhhhhh what now. There's only supposed to be three living there."  Oops. 
• Jess races upstairs and it's the moment the guys have been training for. They transform Schmidt's room into the library and Schmidt becomes the fun European visitor who just happens to be leaving the exact moment the landlord comes to check up on him. 
• Obviously, this doesn't work and the landlord finds Schmidt's weird sex alien mural. But it's not as bad as he expected so all they have to do is get rid of the naked aliens and they'll be fine.

•  Jess asks if, while he's here, he could fix a few things. Sure, what needs to be fixed? JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND POINT. Nick can be so hateful. 
• At work Schmidt has another awkward encounter with his boss. She asks him to file her files. In front of her. So she can watch. He, of course, takes this as a sign and begins rubbing and licking the files. When she asks errr what are you doing, he runs out. 

• So Remy (the landlord) gets to work and Nick immediately realized that he wants to sleep with Jess. She refuses to believe it because people can just be good without ulterior motives. She comes out of the bathroom with the funniest story. When Remy was fixing the sink he got her soaking wet. Man overboard! Highhhlarioussss. 
• She invites Remy to have dinner with everyone, but they all have plans. Remy seems very pleased to be having alone time with Jess so Nick kills that and says he'll join. 
• Cece comes over to borrow some seasick medicine, looking stunning. Schmidt asks her if she ever wears jeans because she looks like she about to go try to tempt Bond. 

• But more seriously. What is he to do about the boss sitch. Cece says grow a pair and make a move. There's nothing less sexy than a dude asking permission to kiss you. 

• Remy comes over for dinner and Jess tries him and Nick to bond over their mutual heartbreak. Nick sees Remy's warming up to him as a way to lure him into a false sense is security.
• Schmidt takes Cece's advice. He and boss lady have walked to their respective cars. He decides this is his moment. He raves through the parking garage, grabs her out of her car and starts making out with her. She's totally into it. Althoughhhhh that is not what it looks like via security cam. It looks like he's violently attacking. Schmidt barely gets time to enjoy his braveness before he's being wrestled to the ground for assaulting a woman. Oops. 

• Remy takes a bathroom break from the dinner and comes back with no pants on. It is a threesome they're doing, right? AND NOW WE HAVE A THREESOME CHICKEN. TIME TO GET WEIRD. This is always a fun plot development. 

• Nick goes through with it because he can believe that Jess is STILL is giving Remy the benefit of the doubt. Seriously, how has she survived on her own. This makes him seriously worried about her well being. 
• Remy starts off by massaging Nick. He won't take off his underwear though, Nick's the underwear captain. They cease immediately. 

• Schmidt confronts his boss and tells her that he wants something real. She agrees and tells him to go set up for the Tokyo call. She DOES NOT mean take of all your clothes and meet her in the conference room. Repeat. DOES NOT. 

Side Notes:

• Jess's awkward dancing to Remy's threesome soundtrack: genius. 
• Remy calling Winston "Coach": genius. 
• Speaking of Winston, remember him? He used to be a fun a charming room who had more of a story than painting over Schmidt's sex mural. He was even gonna be a nanny/mentor. I miss him. 

Catch New Girl, Tuesday nights at 9 on Fox.