Grammy Wrap Up

While they didn't take my last minute advice on the Whitney tribute, they did do a great job with the little time they had.  Adele came to kiss ass and take names, Katy Perry looked like a fool, and Nicki Minaj sent a lot of people to their Bibles.  I'm going to rate our favorite moments on a star system. Five stars being the highest, most artful form of cheese, zero stars meaning you are Adele and are the standard for class.  Read the highlights from the night after the jump.

• First off, the red carpet. FIVE GOLD STARS for Ryan Seacrest for being annoying and awk and asking every single person where they were and what they're feeling about Whitney Houston.  Special points for asking people, who YOU KNOW just saw her, when was the last time they saw Whitney and what was it like (hint hint was she cray cray).  So classy.
• Another five gold stars goes to Nicki.  The Pope?  Really?  Wooooooooooo for you, you helped coin the term "Egg Moment" because now you copied Gaga and teased your performance on the carpet.  

• And yet again, five stars for Fergie.  This picture says enough.

• One gold star for LL Cool J, who opened the ceremony with a prayer for Whitney.  He literally turned the mood around in two minutes.  The red carpet had weird vibes (thank you E! News) and I was concerned with how the show was going to be able to be celebratory. He said his prayer and then told everyone that Whitney would want us to celebrate music, so that's what we did.  
• Although LL, I'm going to have to give you three gold stars for teasing the Adele performance.  We all know Adele has crippling stage fright and you amping up her giant return made her look like she might have had an accident in her pants.  I think the lead guy from Foster the People will be able to speak more on this after his Beach Boys performance (that poor dude really needed a calming hug).

• One gold star to Bruno Mars because you are adorbs.

• I'm going to say four stars for Chris Brown.  That first half of your performance was not bad, but then switching to Beautiful People?  Why not commit to plugging you new single?  And maybe not switch from live singing to lip synching so abruptly?  That kind of blew.  First half was cool though.
• Four and a half stars go to Rihanna.  Mostly for the hair alone, but also for those performances.  I think you need to not have the background track so loud.  Time to let go of the crutch and either sing or don't sing.  Both just sounds weird.  Also.  You ruined that Coldplay duet.

• Zero stars go to Coldplay.  That SOLO performance was phenomenal and I was wish I was there.  Helllllooooo Chris with that new haircut.
• NEGATIVE TEN STARS for Adele's performance and acceptance speech(es).  FLAW-LESS.  How many girls can make having snot drip from their nose adorable.  Not this one, I will tell you (unless you're into that.  In which case, please never meet me).

• ummm let's see. That weird David Guetta Deadmau5 performance had the potential to get cool and crazy but eh it just didn't get there (there was a hot minute that I was totally into it)
• One star the In Memoriam part.  The star goes to the really weird video montage that was played.  Thank you for making it my new life goal to get a full screen when I die.  Not like those poor saps who had to be squeezed in with three other people.  J. Hud was phenom and I can't even imagine singing THAT song.  Not even the vocal toughness, but the words.  Christ I was crying listening to it alone in my car, I can't even imagine singing it in that situation.

• And then we had Katy Perry.

• Am I a wee bit biased?  Yes.  She annoys the frick out of me.  The hair.  The stupid outfit.  JUST BE NORMAL AND YOU WILL BE LOVELY.  THAT WAS KIND OF EVEN AN OK SONG.  I think any husband seeing their ex wife prance around in a terrible blue wig and hideous plastic jumpsuit automatically wins (too mean?).

• Three gold stars go to Nicki Minaj.  That performance was weird, but it was also really interesting and had everyone talking the next day.  So I guess in the scheme of things, she wins.
• Four gold stars to Taylor Swift.  Because you are annoying.  And need to go away.  The stars mostly go to the face that you made when you got a standing ovation at the end of your performance.  OH EMMM GEEEEE PEOPLE LIKE MEEEEEEEE THIS IS SO AMAZINGGGGGGGGG.  Also we all know you're not a poor country bumpkin.

• Four gold stars for the finale.  Not because it was cheesy but because they teased it all night as something that would blow our minds.  It was tre yawn.